found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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