OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
