I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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