This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
