I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
