Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
