Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We have so much sex to catch up on
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
