so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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