Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You dont lie about slip and slides
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
