And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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