So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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