At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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