The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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