We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
