i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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