i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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