I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
