Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
