he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
