I'm lost and stupid without you.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
