just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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