i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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