So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
