I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
