OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
