got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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