You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
