I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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