the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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