Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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