Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
