I looked at my own cervix.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
