Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
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I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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