I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
