you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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