just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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