youre lurking in front of me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
