I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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