I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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