just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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