i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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