my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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