can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
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What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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