Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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