her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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