She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
