She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
