i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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