fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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