I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
