spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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