On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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