i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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