I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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