Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
