I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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