She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
